The Fourth Wheel.

  I've found a new title for myself in urban society. You can call it whatever you like. Fag hag, fruitfly, I'm gonna call it what it is - the Gay Man's Wing Woman . The revelation came to me a couple of weeks ago when a friend of mine asked if I wanted to head out with her gay work husband and another gay man as she wanted to play gay match maker and I would be a part of the "double date." At first I didn't understand what she was  really asking, but I'm usually up for anything at least once.

Then came the day that we were all supposed to meet up and hang out. I had to ask her again what we were doing. Were she and I supposed to be on a date too? Am I a beard like Kim Kardashian? I was confused. What it turned into was a very pleasant evening with one of my best friends and two of the most decadently handsome men that I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with. When I say handsome, I mean HANDSOME. We laughed, they bought us ladies drinks and food, we strolled around, indulged in Smitten ice cream and laughed some more. At the end of the evening we hugged it out, said au revoir and hoped that the "date" my friend and I were supervising went well for our handsome gays.

The next day my friend and I were laughing saying that was one of the best dates we'd been on in a long time....except for the obvious. For a moment I felt sorry for myself. Wondering if this is my new "dating" life? Is this the best it's going to get?  And then I came off my "feeling sorry for myself" perch and remembered that I've been a "wing woman" since I was a kid without even realizing it.

When I was in elementary school I had a boy who liked to hang around with me and a couple of my close girlfriends. We loved New Kids On The Block and so did he. We went to their concerts and so did he. We had posters of them on our walls and, you guessed it,  so did he. Troy even had a favorite New Kid and kissed his poster before he went to bed. Us girls thought nothing of it. Fast forward a few years and in High School, I dated a really cute skater boy who seemed a little "Emo" at the time. He was a little dark but nothing I couldn't handle, just thought it was hormones and him not really getting along with his family - the ususal teen angst. He had to abruptly leave our school because of how dark he got and it was a little devastating. I was on a family vacation during Thanksgiving break which, in those times, there was no internet or cell phones and when I returned he was gone. It was years later, thanks to the internet and a little thing called MySpace that I found him. He was in a very happy and committed same sex partnership and I knew that was the reason he had been so sad and dark during high school. I wish he felt comfortable to have told me back then that he liked boys because I totally would of had his back. But attending a conservative, Christian school didn't leave much room for a lot of acceptence or support.

Going back to Troy, we had lost touch since our elementary school days but recently just ran into him on the streets of San Francisco. He's a beautifully handsome gay man in his adult life. Happy, successful and did I mention handsome? I guess when we were kids maybe we should have known he "liked" boys, but what did we know, he just wanted to hang out with the girls and bless our parents for letting him feel normal. I know Troy dated girls in elementary school and high school, but I'm so glad he's been able to grow up and be himself and I have to say, if I were a gay man, I would totally date him. Hello Troy!!!

It seems I've always been drawn to gay men starting at a very young age. My sister had gay friends in the 1980's and with our 20 year age difference all of her friends were adults. I had gay "uncles" without knowing it. They were fabulous and I can't lie, I had crushes on them and wanted to marry someone like them when I grew up. My brother is gay and he would bring his friends to holiday party's but I had no idea, it was just more boys for me to hang with.

As an adult, I've learned that pretty much half of my celebrity adolescent crushes are now out of the closet. I suppose it's not surprising. I've had a thing for gay males since I was a kid and now realize I've been their wing woman for decades. It's a blessing and a curse, especially living and trying to date in the city of San Francisco. There has been a moment or two where there has been confusion about dudes I have gone on dates with. Is he or isn't he.......that IS the question.

No matter really. I look forward to more gay dates and being the designated wing women in the future, especially when you know they're not looking for anything more than good company, gossip and a nice sparkling Rose.